Mama Wears Her Coffee | To All of the SAHMs – I’m sorry.
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To All of the SAHMs – I’m sorry.

To all of the stay at home moms (or “SAHM” for all the cool kids) that came before me… I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that I actually thought for the tiniest second that staying at home with your kids was merely a nice extension of your lavish 12 week maternity leave – back when you only had ONE baby. You know, the one where you sat at home watching the entire series of Parenthood from start to finish as you snuggled your freshly made little human and squeezed their cute cheeks at least a hundred times a day. Where you could sleep when the baby sleeps and not have to live in fear that at any possible second your toddler will start yelling, “MORE MILK MOMMA!” or “MORE PRINCESS MOMMY” (that awful moment when Netflix pauses and asks if you are still watching and your toddler thinks their world is ending) and therefore wake up the baby and destroy any chance of you enjoying some peace and quiet.

I’m sorry that I used to think that you would leisurely meander down every aisle at Target during the middle of the day taking your sweet precious time as you pushed your kids around in the cart. I would see you out and about during the middle of the day and think to myself oh, that must be nice… come to Target whenever you want! Little did I know that just the thought of taking kids out of the house is actually quite exhausting. Not to mention going to stores that have a, dare I say it, toy section. And because I’m a sucky mom, a “cupcake” aka donut section. We are officially negotiating with little monsters. I now understand that it is not a nice leisurely activity but rather a mad freaking dash to see just how fast we can get in and out of Target without completely losing our crap.

I’m sorry that I thought that you had all of this time to meal plan, meal prep, grocery shop, work out, and basically be the healthiest mom in the world without any excuses holding you back. I’m just going to let that sit there for a minute …. . [Enter hysteric laughter here] I thought staying at home would make it so much easier to somehow get back into my pre-baby, pre-husband, pre-college, pre-everything size five jeans, and maybe someday it will, but today I am far from that moment and tomorrow isn’t looking good either. I now speak the language of frozen chicken nuggets and tater tots and frozen pizza. In fact, so much so that the other day I am fairly confident that every single thing that I bought from the store was from the frozen section. Mark it on your calendar. I’ve crossed over to the land of quick and easy and I’m not even going to feel bad about it. Not even a little bit. Because someday I’ll get back to meal planning and attempting to be healthy, but for now some days are hard and I know that frozen pizza always has my back and dinner will be done in 18 minutes flat. Boom. Done.

I’m sorry that I used to wonder why on earth you never seem to change out of your jammies AKA comfy clothes AKA stretchy elastic waistbands. I’d try to figure out why you just didn’t seem to care hanging out in your ripped yoga pants and t-shirt with both spit up stains and toddler who-knows-what-that-could-be stains. Girl, now I get it. I feel you. Stretchy elastic waistbands are heavenly and nothing beats yoga pants. Period. And honestly, there are somedays where I actually have to sit and consciously think about when the last time I changed said yoga pants was. And the mystery substances on our clothes? Just the other day my toddler literally walked over, pulled out my shirt (to which I thought she was going to say something like “mommy boob” or “baby milk” or SOMETHING along the lines of breastfeeding…) and wiped her nose using MY shirt. Most days I don’t even know when I showered last. This week I last showered on Sunday … and today is now Friday. And to make matters worse I am out of deodorant and have been doing the whole steal your husbands deodorant thing for almost two weeks now. So. Attractive. I’ve got to reign that in or I am going to have zero chances of having another baby if you know what I’m saying.

Going into this whole new staying at home adventure I was, and still am, so naive. In the spirit of keeping it real, I honestly thought that my days would feel as blissful as most of my maternity leave days. That it would basically be an extension of my maternity leave minus my cushy check. I could sip on my coffee all day long [and reheat it about a million times], start whatever shows on Netflix I wanted, be the cool mom by taking my kids out to all of these parks and doing all of these fun things, and taking lots of naps. The whole sleep when the baby sleeps thing lasts until they are in high school, right? Right. But for real. I totally went into this thinking that it would be easier than it is. I’ve only been doing this whole SAHM gig for just over a month now and already I have told my husband on numerous occasions that my former full time job was easier than this some days! Babies are adorable but exhausting. Toddlers are fun but they are even more exhausting. Preteen kids are independent and such good helpers, but they are a whole other kind of exhausting. By the time the weekend rolls around I am basically running out the door to my part time job because I am ready for some kid free time to myself – even if I am working.

Keep doing your thing, all of you bad ass [insert the “I love Jesus but I swear a little” old lady quote from Ellen here] SAHMs. And the next time someone asks you what you do all day, or sends you jealousy induced judge-y stares from across Target, or even makes the slightest comment on your never ending yoga pants, feel free to throw a chicken nugget at them and walk away. And then go get a giant freaking coffee.


The SAHM Newbie


Disclaimer: Grammar and spelling subject to be completely botched in the making of this blog post as this past week I was up until 2am twice, 5:30am once, and it is now going on 5am on day four and I am still awake… . Give a little grace. 

  • Sheila Price

    June 9, 2017 at 8:51 am Reply

    LOVE this! Thanks for being so honest and authentic in your experience. People who have never stayed home full time really have NO CLUE. LOL

  • Jenn

    June 16, 2017 at 12:28 am Reply

    So much love for you, Jess! I am on month 6 of work-at-home momdom, with a teen and first-grader. Oh my lordy! It gets better…..

    By the way, I rarely wear heels, or shoes for that matter. My toes have never been happier!

    • Jessica Kay

      June 23, 2017 at 2:10 pm Reply

      Thanks, Jenn! Whew… glad it gets better from here 🙂 It is nice the days my stepson is home because he is 11 and can help out a lot with keeping his toddler sister entertained 🙂 Oh gosh. I never wear anything but flip flops or slip ons. Glad I’m not the only one who has kicked my heels to the closet for good!

  • Emily

    June 16, 2017 at 7:03 am Reply

    I have been home for 13 years and have not looked back!! You are spot on with what I believe is the perception of SAHMs and also the reality ?. It is an exhausting opportunity, but one I don’t think we will EVER regret!!
    Nicely done!!

    • Jessica Kay

      June 23, 2017 at 2:09 pm Reply

      Thank you, Emily! So awesome that you’ve been doing that for 13 years already! 🙂 I feel like such a newbie compared to you, ha! What are some of the biggest things you’ve learned since you started staying at home? Any advice you wanna pass on to this newbie?

  • Kristin

    June 16, 2017 at 11:49 am Reply

    I love everything about this!! I can relate to it all. I was just thinking the other day how I would look at little girls in crazy, mis-matched outfits and ratty hair and wonder why the parents didn’t care. Now, I totally get it. I don’t care – it is way easier than fighting over a matching outfit and trying to force the brush through that ratty hair for the 3rd time today, and by now it has food in it making it extra hard.

    Love this!

    • Jessica Kay

      June 23, 2017 at 2:07 pm Reply

      I totally feel you on the hair struggle! My two year old refuses to keep her pony tail in and is always taking it out. And when I wipe her face, she is just going to get more yogurt on it in about 10 minutes so why wipe it now? 🙂 Glad you can relate!!

  • Alex Nyman Stalberger

    June 16, 2017 at 10:31 pm Reply

    So this is what I may have to look forward to? Goodie!!

    • Jessica Kay

      June 23, 2017 at 2:06 pm Reply

      Yes! 🙂 But it really is the best.

  • Tiffany Staples

    June 19, 2017 at 9:26 am Reply

    I LOVE this and totally agree – my husband started working from home when our son was 16 months old and he got a HUGE rude awakening of what my life was actually like.

    • Jessica Kay

      June 23, 2017 at 2:06 pm Reply

      Ha! I bet he did 🙂 When I am working on the weekends I always tell my husband to take that and times it by 5 and that is my M-F 🙂

  • Carissa Link

    June 22, 2017 at 9:42 am Reply

    I’m not even a mom yet, and I absolutely loved this! I related with you and literally laughed out loud. This was a refreshing post, and such a great read! I hope this goes viral! Sharing!

    • Jessica Kay

      June 23, 2017 at 1:55 pm Reply

      Thank you, Carissa! 🙂 Your comment made my day. Glad you enjoyed it!

  • Kathleen

    June 22, 2017 at 11:29 am Reply

    Oh my I am literally cracking up reading this!!! I only have one child so far, but the days I work from home are SO hard!!! Trying to get stuff done around the house, actually do my work, and keep him alive, fed, and happy is crazy!! I feel crazy most of the time!! You rock, thanks for giving me a great laugh 🙂

    • Jessica Kay

      June 23, 2017 at 1:55 pm Reply

      Right?! I used to work from home every Friday and at first it was easy because our oldest was 7 at the time. And then I had my daughter and it got so hard to get anything done on those Fridays 🙂 Thanks for the love, Kathleen!

  • Lila Noffsinger

    June 23, 2017 at 10:11 am Reply

    Great post! I’m not a mom yet, but when we have kids, I’ll be a stay at home mom. I super excited for when that day comes, but I know that it is HARD work. Both my sister in laws have three kids under four years old. There have been many times when I’ve stopped by to say hello or pick something up, and I’m greeted with, “Oh good, you’re here! Can you watch the girls for a sec – I just need to take a shower!”. Being a SAHM is day-in and day-out sacrifice (and I’m sure I don’t even know the half of it!), and I think you’ve captured that beautifully!

    One thing I do want to mention, regarding your cupcake/donut aisle. I’m sure it was said in jest, but you said you’re a sucky mom. I just wanted to take a moment to stick up for you against you. 🙂 It sounds like you are a GREAT mom, and a donut now and then never killed anyone. In fact, I still have super happy memories of getting the occasional donut with my mom growing up. You’re not a sucky mom, you’re making sweet (pun intended) memories. 🙂

    Keep it up!

    • Jessica Kay

      June 23, 2017 at 1:54 pm Reply

      Thanks, Lila! Anytime you want to stop over here and keep my kids entertained so I can shower you are welcome to, ha! 🙂 I’m sure your SIL really appreciates that! Growing up I always wanted to be a SAHM but then I loved my job so much and began to really fall in love with daycare, so it was a weird shift to go from working full time and enjoying it to staying at home full time and working part time. So far I haven’t regretted our decision and I don’t think I will. Thank you for backing me up on the sucky mom part 😉 I couldn’t agree more. I have lots of memories going to get donuts on Saturday mornings with my parents. And now my parents take my kids to get donuts when we are in town. Totally agree that there is nothing wrong with the occasional donut and making sweet memories 🙂

  • Zhade

    June 23, 2017 at 11:44 am Reply

    I love this so much! Every once of it is true!

  • Brittany Ferrell

    June 23, 2017 at 1:12 pm Reply

    You’ve nailed it. Whenever anyone says, “Oh, it must be so nice to be home” (I am a work at home teacher mom), I just laugh. I do work in my elastic waist band yoga pants, but I normally cannot shower until after 3 pm. It’s hard, but it is also so worth it to play princesses in between work. Even if I more closely remember the troll that lives under the bridge. Great post!

    • Jessica Kay

      June 23, 2017 at 1:49 pm Reply

      Thanks, Brittany! The shower struggle is so real. If I don’t shower the night before I know that I won’t shower for the next 24 hours, ha. Love that you get to play princesses in between work! 🙂 That makes it all worth it.

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